Can You Really Get Over Someone by Getting Under Someone? – Introduction
The old saying, “Can you really get over someone by getting under someone?” argues that sex with strangers is a good way to heal a broken heart. It is a well-entrenched idea in popular culture, but does it hold water? In this article, I am going to explore the psychological effect of using sex as a coping strategy in the aftermath of heartbreak, and what may and may not be gained from this approach.
The Allure of Sex as a Coping Mechanism
The appeal of sex as an outlet for broken hearts is multidimensional. For one, having sex can temporarily relieve the emotional torment of a breakup. Sexual endorphins, too, induce pleasure and euphoria, further concealing the pain that stems from heartbreak. Furthermore, physical intimacy can regain self-esteem and self-confidence that may have been lost with the breakdown of a relationship.
Potential Benefits of Sex as a Coping Mechanism
Psychologically, there are several potential advantages to using sex to cope with heartbreak. These include:
1. Emotional Release
One of the main advantages of sex as a coping tool is that it can provide a means for emotional release. Broken hearts often make us angry, frustrated and sad to the point of being uncontrollable. Sexual activity is a way of channelling these unresolved feelings into physical action. Sex can serve as a form of catharsis, a kind of solace for people who find it impossible to articulate their emotions verbally. This physical decompression can bring freedom, allowing for healing and transformation.
2. Social Connection
If one person was so dependent on the other for social interaction, they might experience loneliness following a breakup. When that happens, connecting with a new partner can be an essential part of reestablishing social networks. Sex provides a distraction from heartbreak but also an opportunity for lost intimacy and companionship. This renewed social contact can ward off isolation and build a sense of home, helping to form a better post-breakup emotional climate.
3. Increased Self-Esteem
A relationship breakdown often makes people feel unwanted or unloved. Sex with a new lover is an empowering way to remind yourself that you are attractive and desirable. Attracting and attracting another person will also greatly help to restore the self-esteem and self-confidence lost during a breakup. This renewed affirmation can enable individuals to become more confident in their own sense of identity and value, and enhance their psychological wellbeing.
4. Stress Reduction
Not only is sex an enjoyable experience, but it also has many health advantages, especially in the way that it decreases stress. Sexual activity was found to reduce cortisol and boost endorphins and oxytocin, hormones associated with mood and relaxation. For someone dealing with the stress and anxiety that can come with a breakup, having sex can be a powerful stress reliever. Sex can serve as a physical release, in which one takes a step back from one’s distress and tries to inhabit a sexier state.
Potential Drawbacks of Sex as a Coping Mechanism
Though it might be helpful for heartbreak to learn to suck by resorting to sex, there are a number of drawbacks. These include:
1. Emotional Attachments
Any time you have sex with a new man, you risk an emotional reaction. It gets especially difficult for those who have a history of codependency or who latch on emotionally to people pretty fast. The reason why people go into these sex experiences is so that they can escape the trauma of a prior relationship; it’s going to stall them on their healing path. Rather, those new relationships are rife with bewilderment, renewed melancholy, and an escape from personal development.
2. Risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)
One of the more obvious dangers of casual sex is an increased risk of sexually transmitted disease. Exposure increases exponentially when you have many partners, especially when safe sex practices are not maintained or partners do not disclose their sexual history. For someone who had a broken heart in the past, gratification might appear to be worthwhile as an end in itself where the negative consequences of health can be chalked up and one’s own body is put at risk by default.
3. Adverse Psychological Consequences
Sexual intercourse, while it can relieve distress from the outset, tends to mask rather than heal underlying emotional damage. The instant gratification of sex on the spur of the moment can be easily displaced by subsequent guilt, shame or regret when that sex experience is unsatisfying or otherwise antithetical to values and expectations. Such a vicious cycle can encourage further recourse to sex to find some brief respite, further amplifying emotional distress. So what starts out as a way to cope might ultimately become a destructive habit that actually does nothing to diminish these feelings of isolation or emptiness but rather fuels them.
4. Hampers Personal Growth
Sex as a coping strategy can also massively sap away time and energy that can be potentially critical for learning and self-reflection. Part of healing after an affair involves resolving and navigating feelings, discovering who you are, and engaging in self-care that will produce strength. When we are only concerned with the rape, the opportunity for profound self-exploration and development passes. This avoidance doesn’t allow for emotional healing, and can create repeatable situations down the road that continue to fuel unhealthy relationships.
Conclusion: Can You Really Get Over Someone by Getting Under Someone?
In short, using sex to cope with heartbreak can be a short-term antidote to negative feelings and a useful distraction tool. But we need to take into account all the potential downsides to this strategy, such as attachment, STIs, negative emotional impact and reduced self-development. Sex may facilitate healing in the end, but should not be used as a sole means of managing heartbreak. Instead, it would be a good idea to take the long term and offer both therapy, self-introspection, and social support for people to heal and develop after a breakup.
