Having Sex More Than Once a Week Probably Won’t Make You Any Happier

Nowadays, sexual frequency seems to dominate discussions of intimacy, romance and happiness. In most relationships, couples assume that more sexual time directly leads to more joy and intimacy. But now, some research suggests it might not. In fact, more than once a week may not make us happier, and recognising this paradox can be a window on human conflict.

The Myth of Frequency

The culture defines sexual frequency as relationship success. Pop culture, social media and even advice columns promote the notion that the more often couples have sex, the happier they’ll be. But research scoffs at that argument: after a certain point, frequency may not contribute to, or even reduce, relationship satisfaction.

According to studies published in peer-reviewed journals, although sexuality does improve relationship satisfaction, the gains plateau after a low threshold (typically one week). Couples who do sex more than that do not see any larger improvement in happiness over couples who have sex, on average, once a week. Quite the opposite, they may feel more stressed and pressured because they are being told to engage in sexual activity more often.

Quality Over Quantity

This misconception is centered around one crucial fact: that in close relationships the amount of sex is much better than the quality. Relationship psychologists advise that feeling, trust and clear communication are the foundation of healthy relationships. The more the couple engages in enduring, emotionally intense, incredibly productive sex time, the stronger the relationship becomes, as opposed to frequent, less impactful sex time.

When partners stop thinking “how often” and start thinking “how well”, the door to more emotional depth is slammed. Loving, treating, and receiving love in a meaningful, vocal way can dramatically increase the relationship between couples. Deliberately talking about what you want, getting to know each other’s needs, creating reciprocal experiences can vastly enhance relationship functioning and amp up emotional and psychological attachment.

The Pressure to Perform

The notion of performative intimacy is especially sinister in that it deprives healthy sexual relationships of the very things that healthy sex should be about: mutual pleasure, discovery and bonding. When sex becomes a tick on a list, rather than an act of love and care, intimacy loses its essence. This stress sets up a destructive spiral in which stress often overrides pleasure and turns time that ought to be enjoyed into yet another work to do amid all the demands of daily life.

And social conventions and cultural pressures can make this even worse. Novels about couples with “ideal” sexual lives set unreasonable standards by which other people feel they have to be judged. Such analogies deprive intimacy of spontaneity and suspense. Far from exalting their individual sexual paths, couples become entangled in fear, which threatens to destroy the trust and openness needed for connection.

Communication Is Key

In order to stay on the straight and narrow, direct communication is essential. Couples need to establish a space in which they can talk openly about their needs, comfort zone and feelings about sex without the threat of criticism or ridicule. Open dialogues allow partners to discuss expectations face-to-face, resolving confusion before it grows into more widespread conflict and dissatisfaction.

Intimacy is also dependent on knowing that relationships change over time. Individual needs, desires and circumstances vary depending on life circumstances, professional obligations, and illness. So checking in on each other is essential. By repeatedly coming back to the subject of sex, couples can change their expectations and habits in ways that fit their shifting needs. Such flexibility allows for a partnership in which both parties are appreciated, felt and understood, with their intimate lives taking flight at their own pace.

Ways to Increase Relationship Happiness

The vast majority of things in life require cultivating and directed behaviour to thrive. Everyone assumes a happy relationship has something to do with the quality of romance or sex, but it’s so much more. Fortunately, science explains how to increase relationship happiness, and you just have to focus on a few specific factors. Here are some practical ways:

1. Communicate Openly

Free speech is the foundation of any healthy, loving relationship. That includes talking not only about day-to-day issues but about wants, needs, and emotions about sexuality. Most couples are reluctant to talk about sexual matters because they don’t want to be judged or snipped off. This would enhance emotional intimacy and trust between couples in this respect, by providing space to communicate needs and worries. The more at ease with those things you can express yourself, the more connected and fulfilled you will feel.

2. Quality over Quantity

Today’s rapture might have put a lot too much focus on the repetition of the action. Rather, what is needed are two-way exchanges that allow emotional intimacy and satisfaction. What’s important, though, is not how many times we perform it, but how intense and meaningful it becomes. In that sense, meaningful experiences will help to shore up those relationships and make them feel more connected to the relationship.

3. De-pressurize

Most couples stress over how often they sex because of the stigma and assumptions that society has brought to it. That alone can indicate that you are not good enough or that you are not happy. In order to do so, our conceptual thinking must shift in relation to sexual discourse. Instead of adhering to trivial requirements, you must pay attention to individual fulfilment and enjoyment. All couples are different and have different needs; what works for one person may not work for another. When couples let go of that pressure, a more casual setting will open up the space for flirting and bonding.

4. Consider Context

Transition is just part of the human experience. Changing environments can have wild effects on the relationships that go with sexual practices. Keeping that uncertainty in perspective makes it easy to navigate sexual change compassionately and adaptively. Whether that be job relocation, house moves, or life events such as a baby, understanding how things affect intimacy can put the couple at ease as they move forward in the seasons without resentment or blame. Openly discussing how each partner is affected by those developments can also bind them together in an environment that is safe and secure.

5. Explore Intimacy Beyond Sex

Sex alone is not intimate. Indeed, establishing non-sexual forms of closeness can bring amazing innovations into your relationship. These activities, whether cuddling, hand-holding, hobbies or a good evening together, cement the emotional bond and convey an intimate sense of closeness not typically experienced in physical contact. The time you spend on these non-sexual forms of connection will make your relationship stronger and give you the safety and security behind enduring happiness.

Conclusion: Having Sex More Than Once a Week Probably Won’t Make You Any Happier

Although sex is often equated with joy, this is not the case. Sex more often than once a week is unlikely to make you feel better; it will only bring on unnecessary stress and strain. What is truly satisfying in a relationship is the quality of what was experienced, the emotional bond formed and the channels that remain open between partners. All in all, a happy private life consists not so much of the amount of time, but of attachment, insight and shared intimacy. If you can adopt this mindset, you can allow couples to achieve their own way of satisfying each other by making their intimacy emotionally and physically better.