How to Critique a Sexual Partner Without Hurting Their Feelings – Introduction
You’ve got to be honest and upfront with your partners, including in any relationship, including sexual relationships. But criticising a sexual partner can be delicate because we’re talking about something intimate. The trick is to handle the conversation gently, respectfully and with an eye towards strengthening the relationship. In this article, we’ll talk about how you can criticize a sexual partner without hurting their feelings.
Choose the Right Time and Place
Taking delicate subjects seriously requires patience. Choosing a time where people feel calm and at ease has a huge impact on your critique. Disagreement before or after sex is essential, as overly sensitive feelings cause defensiveness and shame instead of seeking support during moments of calm. Take this out with someone when you’re sharing a meal or cuddling on the couch or walking together. Such spaces foster safety and transparency, which enable the two partners to discuss things more reflectively and constructively.Choosing when and where you express yourself demonstrates your partner’s concern for your emotions and can help to set the stage for a positive interaction.
Use “I” Statements
Before getting to the areas where you can do better, start the discussion by telling people how great your sexual relationship is. Notifying your partner what you truly love and appreciate sets a healthy tone and makes him feel good. Saying things like, “I really like our sexual relationship, and I think we have a great connection.” can set you up for more honest feedback.By focussing first on the positives, you portray the relationship as appreciative rather than harsh. This technique makes dialogue go from an uncomfortable, even brutal scolding to a flow of discussion. Your partner will be more willing to continue listening to your advice if they know that their efforts are valued.
Be Specific and Constructive
General criticism can be a source of confusion and resentment, so it is best to be as specific and constructive as possible. Instead of giving general comments such as “You’re terrible in bed”, which are demoralizing and fuzzy, make sure to point out exactly what it is that could make things better — for instance, “I’d like to try out different positions so that we have variety.” This feedback is not only obvious, it also promotes collaboration. It invites your partner to contribute to progress instead of being isolated or harassed. But being more focused on what you really enjoy can also refocus the interaction towards exploring and enjoying each other.
Keep It Positive
Positivity is the key to any effective conversation around sex. You want to strike a good note from the outset. Before you start talking, pay attention to what you like about your sexual relationship. You might say for example: “I like our sexual relationship a lot, and I think we get along pretty well. These kinds of statements let your partner know that they matter and that you had a great time together.
Positive framing makes it possible to explain why things can be improved without sounding insecure. You can also, of course, say you’d like something to be better if you’re trying to fix something that could be better. I mean, you might say, “I feel like we’d get even better things out of it if we did some experimentation.” In a further build on this positivity, you give your partner a place to be appreciated and to listen.
Listen Actively
Active listening is among the most important elements of a healthy conversation, and by far the most contentious when it comes to sexual sex. After articulating your argument, let your partner speak for themselves. Stop interrupting your spouse but focus on listening to what they’re saying; look them in the eye.
With this exchange, you will be affirming your partner’s experience, making the exchange trustworthy and conducive to a healthy dialogue. A lover being heard and understood actually cements a connection, and talking about future sex isn’t all that taboo. Always remember that you’re always communicating, and if you listen well, you’ll already have done half the job to create more effective connections.
Avoid Blaming or Criticizing
You should use language that is not going to come across as accusatory or demeaning. Comment on your partner’s performance based on actions you would like to share and be sure to leave out broad assertions of skill or personality. Instead,: “You’re awful at bedtime” might get flipped into “I think things could get better if we added something to make them interesting.” Be focused on change and improvement – not on telling your partner how awful they are. The solution-based dialogue that you’d be injecting into the conversation would make it much more productive by identifying development rather than shortcomings.
Be Open to Feedback
Always remember that criticism is two-sided. While you may be geared towards feedback, being open to it is equally crucial. You’re providing an opportunity for the partner to express his or her own feedback on your performance-an equitable conversation that will no doubt enable both partners to improve. Take the feedback seriously and make yourself feel what they are saying, how they are feeling and what they want. Only in this exchange does intimacy become better, but the relationship and the two partners also grow in a direction of increased trust and intimacy.
Conclusion: How to Critique a Sexual Partner Without Hurting Their Feelings
Giving feedback to a sexual partner is an uncomfortable, vulnerable process, but it is vital for a good and healthy sexual relationship. You can have an effective, respectful conversation with your partner by picking the right time and place, utilizing “I”, being clear and positive, focusing on the positive, listening, not blaming or critiquing, and being open to feedback. Keep in mind that you are not doing this to scapegoat or belittle, but to strengthen the relationship and bond with your partner.
