How to Have a ‘Sexual State of the Union’ (but Don’t Call It That) – Introduction
Communicating is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, yet in regards to sexual needs and desires, couples often find themselves struggling to decide how or when to have a difficult conversation. You might call it a relationship check-in, or you may call it a sexual tune-up — just know that sex is essential for intimacy and connection.
But before you begin, let’s outline how to deal with this ‘Sexual State of the Union’ positively and constructively, without ever calling it that. You’re going to need some assistance in navigating this critical conversation.
Pick the Right Setting
There is so much to talk about in the environment that you select. All you need is a quiet, private spot where both men and women feel relaxed and not stressed out. Ideal venues are an evening after a fine meal at home, a stroll in a quiet park or a weekend retreat to clear the partners from their routine. The right environment encourages honesty and eases anxiety about sensitive issues.
Timing
The timing either benefits or hinders the intimate exchange. You clearly shouldn’t be discussing sex during or immediately after sex at a moment where it would feel more judgmental than cuddling. Instead, look for situations in which both parties are at ease and comfortable speaking. It’s much preferable to talking during a hectic weekday afternoon. It’s about a context where both parties will feel safe to speak up.
Begin with the Positives
Beginning in a positive way can set the tone and perhaps allow you to sway away from delicate subjects. You might start by valuing what you already have going on in your sexual relationship, and thank yourself for all the ways that your sexual experience makes you happy. These can be affectionate gestures or satisfying bedtimes. Acknowledgements and compliments add a further dimension to this relationship and will facilitate you in ways you might find more difficult.
Encourage Open Dialogue
Such a discussion needs to be casual and transparent. You want to frame the speech in a way that takes blame away from one partner. rather than accusing language use “I” language. For example: “I’m feeling…, or “I’d like to…. This will save both sides from too much retaliation and make it easier for both sides to get clearer without feeling like the other is under siege.
Discuss Your Needs and Desires
Finally, be clear about what you expect from him and what you need from him. Don’t hogwash what you want: regularity, diversity, emotional bonding, anything about your sex life. With direct communication, your partner will understand not just what you need and want, but what your partner wants, too. Turn the page by asking your partner to put what he wants in the forefront of his mind right now. If you have a discussion together about what makes you feel at ease, it’s a place you can explore and develop.
Be Ready to Listen
Talk is a process that has two sides; one listens and one listens. Be sure to make room for compassion when raising issues around intimacy. Be open to your partner’s emotions and opinions. Let them know that you empathize with them and that their feelings are ok even if you don’t quite grasp their argument. This type of transparency provides a safe space for the partners to seriously contemplate what they actually need and want.
Not only does talking about how one feels matter but knowing that the partner is right is justified. This kind of listening helps greatly to establish trust and emotional connections.
Establish Goals
When you’ve had a chance to talk about your emotions, it’s sometimes good to come up with some shared sexual objectives together. They can be adventurous intentions – such as going for a walk or trying new things together – or serious intentions – such as deciding on a date for frequent sex or times to check in with each other about what each of us is / has been doing sexually.
Goal setting elevates the conversation from emotion to action plan and builds partnership and purpose into your relationship. It renders living your sexual life a partnership, a work-in-progress where the two of you strive to improve and be happy.
Check-in Regularly
Being close is not something you do on a one-on-one basis, it is something you do over the course of your relationship. Get into the habit of asking each other periodically about your sexual relationship. These check-ins can normalise intimate communication and provide opportunities for both partners to share concerns, praise improvements or re-evaluate boundaries as they wish.
You follow up on this ritual, laying a foundation not only for authenticity but also for an assurance that pleasure in your intimate life morphs and adapts and should be monitored over time.
Professional Help If Needed
Therefore, if such dialogue is nerve racking for you or the problem remains beyond your ability to resolve it yourself, then don’t hesitate to seek professional help. … Sexual health and relationships therapists can provide extremely useful guidance and counselling. They create safe space where both partners can speak freely and safely – to navigate problematic situations and find ways to cultivate sex.
Expert advice cuts right to the bottom and gives you and your partner a way to communicate and sex more effectively in the long run.
Conclusion: How to Have a ‘Sexual State of the Union’ (but Don’t Call It That)
Discussions about sexual intimacy are uncomfortable, but they’re essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. If you take action and engage the dialogue in a compassionate, caring way, you’ll be making both partners feel heard, valued, and embraced.
So, although you may not want to declare this the ‘Sexual State of the Union’ talking honestly about your private life is a step towards having a better relationship. Take the leap, embrace the challenge, and leap inward to a new knowledge of each other.
